My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
