Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
