I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
