I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize