I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
