don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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