i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
