I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize