I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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