So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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