You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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