i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
