My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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