Well douche your snatch and let's go!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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