We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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