D3 body, D1 cock
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
