I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
