Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I color on your dick again?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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