Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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