New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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