Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize