Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
