I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize