are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
