Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
