I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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