More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
