Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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