I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
