Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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