Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
