yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
