I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
