You can't special order awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
