I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
