yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
