smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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