hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
