How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
