He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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