i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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