Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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