I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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