just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
two words: eviction party
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
