I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
