He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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