the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
