Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
