went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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