it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
