My boss' voice literally gives me gas
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
