Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
