well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
