Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
