Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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