i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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