You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
