im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
