OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize