I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
