But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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