ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
