ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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