She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
